you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
