I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
