i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
