So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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