how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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