ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
