i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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