All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
