i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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