Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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