I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
BRING THE BAGELS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
