I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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