every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
