I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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