thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
