After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
