so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
