I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
