whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
