Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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