I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
