Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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