Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
