believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
