I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
