So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize