just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
