Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
