How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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