the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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