Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
