well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
