At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
