He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
