Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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