i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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