i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
