You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
