Farmville is her only friend.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
