brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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