Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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