If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
