My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
