My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
