party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Be still, my beating vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
