Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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