she woke up with a sticky ear
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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