dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize