she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
