miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
