i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
