I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
