this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didn't notice because vodka
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
