I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
