Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
