My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
