Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
