my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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