I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize