In the future we'll all be gay
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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