You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
