and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
