I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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