I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize