that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
that is very illegal...i love you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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