oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize