The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
