Non-Jews are for practice
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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