They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
