Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
