At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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