I want to make a zoo with you.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
