so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
